Perpetually Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Right now, I am studying for a statistics exam at 7:30. I need a C or better in this class to keep my spot at WesternU CVM. Sounds easy, right? Yes, it is.*

*Disclaimer: Somehow, despite everyone else getting As in the class (the median grade on the first exam was 91 and average homework scores are in the 90s as well), I am not doing so hot. I got a 74 on the first exam. I studied for two days and felt I knew all the material on the test. I walked out thinking I got a 90+, easily.

Not so much.

Apparently, I constantly forget things like rounding and make simple mistakes like not square-rooting a variance. I could have plenty of time left over to check things out, and spend each minute scrupulously examining my work. And still tons of mistakes slip through. I just don’t get it.

Anywho, this relates to the title because I am always fearing that I won’t succeed, even when I do. Applying to Cornell in 2004 I was convinced I’d get rejected. Somehow, I got in. Hell, the valedictorian got wait-listed and I was many ranks behind him.

I always start out semesters thinking I will get straight As and I work hard. Then something happens and I fall apart where I can’t perform well. I start thinking I’ll get Fs and flunk out. But someone every semester its been okay and I usually get in the B-range.

Now, applying to vet school I was convinced I’d never get in. I applied to only 5 schools (read: terrible idea), but still got interviews at half and an acceptance in California.

So you can see that it isn’t just paranoia or lack of self-confidence, my stats example alone should indicate that I sometimes have problems. I wonder though, to what degree do I let classes and life situations get to “critical mass” before I get serious and try to fix them.

I usually extrapolate bumps-in-the-road those to the negative extreme. I suppose it’s better than the alternative of boundless, unfounded optimism.

But the downside is an elevated blood pressure as I wait for the other shoe to drop.

Tags: classes, college, confidence, optimism, waiting for the other shoe to drop